Someone counting on me?

Not over exaggerating, but some one did mention one evening that I am a nice trainer ... so, after the compliment, I treated myself a grand dinner @ T*j's, and enjoyed a deep sleep ...

But when I woke up the next morning, and saw my face in the mirror in the yellow ambiance, trying to figure out how I describe myself to (not to others of course), following three things popped up within no time -

1. I am very lucky.
2. I don't work.
3. I get paid.

Are there any people who think that there is no place for them in the working world? If you are the one, I am your source of inspiration :)

Apart from the Aug 2006 until Dec 2007 period, I have never ever put any effort in any kind of work, except for the effort that goes into "portraying" the work accomplished.

I am sure, if I would try to do anything stupid like switching job to move ahead in the life, life will surely treat me pretty bad... I finally got the answer to my previous post !!!!

But any time in my life, if I ever write a book, my book will surely start with the above mentioned 3 attributes... !!!

Life treating you ??? eh..???

I see that these days, there are change in perspective of people. Well, a revolution, you might say... or you may term that as awakening... or maybe modernization...

Well... whatever that might be... my point is that people now have accepted some things exactly the opposite way it used to be thought of... well.. its not making any sense, is it???

I just went through the orkut, and read many scraps asking -

"Hows life treating you??? "

I am just wondering, isn't it the other way round, you treating your life??? It makes no sense, does it? Life treating me... what could my answer possibly be...

I could surely answer how my managers or friends treat me.. but how is life treating me?? Just repeating this phrase over and over... and I am already finding some English violation error in this phrase... not only in the grammar, but even while thinking.

Did people give up totally that they can control their lives all together? I can treat my life in a maybe positive/negative manner... but how can... well forget it!

This phrase is just knocking my brains off! I will not stop thinking about this, until I find an equivalent humorous answer to this thing!!! Any inputs, eh?

An Idiotic Virtual Recruitment Management Methodology!

I just hope and wish that once for and all, my brain focuses only on the work, I have. I am getting some really crazy ideas for now. Please dont *curse* me for the below idiocity :)

I’ve been pondering around the web and just interacting with other people, and it seems to me that there is a new emerging recruitment methodology being developed.

Let’s name it “Virtual Recruitment Management” for now.

Here’s the concept –

As faced by most of the companies in times of recession, even the best of the people are forced to leave the company.
You will be surprised to know that there are some 170 companies (very small though; many being Korean, Japanese, etc) coming to Mumbai next month, targeting to hire about 15,000 employees.

Here’s the catch. The employments are not effective immediate. They are effective 2 to 4 months from now. And this is how the budgeting would be managed (explaining in terms of How can we Implement).

Normal Scenario:

- Recruit X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: X*Y --> Jan. Give Training.

- Recruit X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: X*Y --> Feb Give Training.

- Recruit X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: X*Y --> Mar Give Training.

Total: 3*XY

Virtual Recruitment Management Programme:

- Assume that you Recruit X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: X*Y --> Jan (Don’t actually recruit/employ; no people; no KT)

[You do not actually recruit, but just that the Budget XY is reserved now. It enters the RESERVED BUDGET POOL. This budget now cannot be claimed back, by the management from our group. So you are taking the required budget that is needed, but you have the liberty of the time, so as when to use it]

- Actually Recruit 3X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: 3X*Y --> Feb

[Total Budget in the RESERVED BUDGET POOL till Feb End: 2X*Y. Still the Remaining ‘XY’ amount, has either to be adjusted (squeezed out), or loaned from the Company Management]

[KT TIME]

- Assume that you Recruit X person, (Budgeted @ Y amount / person). Total Budget: X*Y --> Mar (Don’t actually recruit/employ; no people; no KT)

[Loan payback time :)]

In the month of February, with recruiting 3X*Y people, will be more effective, as someone will take care of efficiently drafting a Training Plan (with some Classroom training).

Now with 10 seniors around, and with a plan in hand, 2hrs per week, by a mentor can be very useful, and effective.

Currently, we have a new comer, *i**l, and I see that no proper training plan is in place. May be, because, for one person, it does not make sense for some overview/classroom training.

If you have 10 people around, you always want them @ one place – the Classroom. :)

The idea is that its only bad for the mentor, but its worst for the new joinee! Half knowledge is fatal :)

*Disclaimer:

However, my idea, I understand are at a very preliminary stage, and I completely agree that it would sound too kiddish to propose/suggest it to higher management.

But just a view, I wished to share.

"Pange" and its consequences ...

Glossary:
Pange - Hindi term for unnecessary fight with influential people.

Ahh... I never thought that I would be experiencing Office Politics at any point at all... I thought that da "company" is too good to have any!

But damn... there was a mistake in my perception! Politics is not in/within the company, its within the culture !!!

But I must tell you... its a perfect blend of frustration, humiliation and humor!!!
I am loving it !!! *I and only I, da responsible for this politics around me, which I solemnly accept, before you move ahead reading, and wrongly interpreting my lovely superiors for any matter.

Firstly, something about me ...

I am a stupid dumb techie fellow, who knows nothing of technology, except for blabbering in a precise convincing manner... and from my friends' viewpoint, I tend to take my work, a bit too personally!!!

And I've the dumbest habit of providing stupid feedbacks of which I am still hopeful of it being valued and something will change for better.

Anyways.. that should give you a fair idea of my personality!!! Recently, I gave some spicy feedback about my mentor to da boss, knowing that the mentor is da boss' right hand ... and I had the struggle for my life !!!

After accepting that the boos about him were actually my incompetence, the kind of work I am getting it, man.. its just great !!!

My new work involves getting inputs from all da individuals, by going on their respectful tables, one after the other, asking da lords, and documenting. I can go to their tables, but can't disturb 'em by communicating !!! How hilarious, isnt it ?? After I make something stupid out of it and present for review, 70% changes anyways !!! So, when I actually ask the reviewer, what is actually expected ... nah.. oops... sorry.... can't ask that ... coz ... the answer is already known -

"I want what the customer wants"
AND
"I am already 2yrs experienced"
AND
"You are responsible; should surely learn to take initiative"

And the latest in my work stride involves -
"Returning Laptop of my busy teammate to the IT department" ! You know why he's busy??? You will surely love this one... coz... he wants to go on a vacation !!!

So, this Diwali Holiday in Mumbai, I had to take the great Lord's laptop, deliver it to a friend @ Ghatkopar the same day, carry his laptop back from Mumbai to Pune, and submit his laptop as the former Lord's laptop back to the IT department. Confusing, and tedious job, I must say !!!

Ah... man... surely its frustrating and humiliating, but then... its a phase of life, which I surely needed to experience!

But its really good in one sense... someone so rightly said -
"Don't be irreplacable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted!!!"
That's why one of my dear friend is not given customer site travel, coz... if he goes there, who the hell will work here? Man.. surely true !!!

And also.. I am too happy for a friend who is very soon leaving for good... way to go my friend !!!


But again... I surely accept, all stated above is my mistake, and all the blame credits should come to me... for blowing all the smallest of issues which should not matter at all... I now know why the tales tell - THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT !!!

My Precious

I finally found her... its a perfect match...


I call her the black beauty...


We met on the festival of Dussera... and it was love @ first sight...


I saw her and was impressed by her sparkling charisma...


I surely could not get a better match !!!


When I am with her, the air that I feel is soo different, simply refreshing !!!


She is really powerful from within ...


Also, she surely goes a long way with me ...


'Simply Magnificient' is what comes to my mind...


I dreamt about her, from the very first day of the college...


And perhaps 'needed' her from the very first day in office...


And the search ends right here ...


And I want to make her appearance public ...


Scroll down for her picture ...

My Precious ...




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Nah.. Not so easy.. some more scroll work ...




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And here she is ...

Multitasking, a style statement!!!

Switching on MTV… booting up your computer… talking over your cell phone, while chatting over the internet messenger, with sipping your coffee and thinking about what to write in your daily article “How to improve efficiency”, clearly says it all!!!

Multitasking is on its way. It makes a teenager more productive, and more efficient. But does it, really? For a period, yes!!!

Then, while multitasking, he becomes 3 people, working on 3 different tasks, and so… boss sits on the head of 3 people expecting 3 times the work J

In the software world, many tasks are assigned to a single soul; however, these tasks will not be presented in their pure form as work!

It will be assigned as A Challenge in front of an Engineer, to test his abilities!!!

Now, when one assigns a challenge, to an engineer, he is just not leaving his machine, till he is done.

That’s the corporate way of fooling a engineer’s brain. J

“

You know… you just have to sit late sometimes… it’s a part of our job…

Even we have done multitasking during our times…

This is just a small fragment…

Try to take it as a challenge…

You still need to see a long life ahead…

“

Needless to mention, the above words get delivered by which wise guy!

So, you put your heart and soul in the work, have lunch at night (yup, dinner @ night is for losers), and just think … why the hell you pay rent for the house!

Expecting a pat on your back for the hard work at least, you get all the soothing music to your ears –

“

I didn’t expect this from you at least … (Yup.. every person hears the phrase ‘from you at least’)

Try to take responsibilities… plan… prioritize… execute…

Efficiency… Management skills… Effectiveness… (All the Standard nouns…)

“

And when you raise some risks or await indefinitely for the wise person’s decision on some issue, and have got no clue on what to do next, and speak out – “I was waiting for your decision… “, you have had it, and you will be hearing –

“

You are just not independent enough!!!

“

So, when you finally say “Multitasking isn’t effective…” OR “Multitasking is not for me…”… it is very surprising, because this word was introduced by Oxford ages before, and it’s so hard to believe that some word might have been introduced just for not being effective.

Also, the UNIX originators, have used this word, and slashed the lives of all the engineers living today…

[References]

http://www.contextmag.com/archives/199809/InnerGameOfWork.asp?process=print

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/workcareer/survive/prodskills/articles/0,,156471_167575-2,00.html

P.S:

The Dilbert Solution works for me to avoid multitasking, and yet to be portrayed as multitasking energy source for other’s inspiration!!!

Solution is quite simple –

• Start with the easiest of task, send an update of it being started.
• Go to the difficult most task, and just take a break of a few hours, and then send an update of a potential risk that you see, due to some awaiting critical information.
• Always ask the most critical information during lunch breaks, when they are away.
• Ask for 20min of wise man’s precious time, at the EOD, while he is going to board the office lift.
• Come back to the easiest task, complete it; however, withheld this progress update for a few days.
• While you are being cursed for being ineffective, provide this progress update of the easy task within next 17min.
• Due to time unavailability, try to be effective and DISTRIBUTE the task amongst others; learn to share!!!
• Distribute ONLY the difficult tasks. Keep simple tasks, inseparable from you, as you own it.
• Send e-mails late in the night, after the late night movie.
• Always come late to the office, and run helter skelter.
• Don’t shave and look undernourished.
• Just try once, and you will be entitled for the “Best Employee Recognition Award!!!”

How did you ever think, I got one… :)

Scott Draws His Line <------->

I am so much impressed by Scott Adams (creator of the comic-strip Dilbert), that I am unbelievably writing a blog about some other person, especially when there is too much work pressure around!

This guy whose book ‘THE DILBERT PRINCIPLE’ I worship more than the bible, is surely a masterpiece. His story gives me inspiration, and reaffirms my faith in my belief which is –

“Any person can do Anything, Anywhere, Anytime in this world, and still be a success!!!”

In our childhood, we are made to believe in a path, which if followed leads to being successful. You study well, become an engineer maybe, join an MNC, go overseas, come back rich, settle down, and die wealthy!!! However, there is no path!!! Many dumb heads I knew, who started their lives as junkies, are now the gurus; NOT in their fields but in places, where even they dint think they would end up in!

It is like having Masters in Pure Physics, and owning Chains Of Business Hotels!

Coming back to the Dilbert guy Mr. Scott, here is his life profile in my words –

He started with being a school valedictorian (student with best grade, an not as valedictorian to know the meaning of the word J) of his high school class, and a National Merit semifinalist, but was rejected by Famous Artist School for Talented Young People, for being young (11) !! How ironical, that is!!

After pursuing his MBA from University of California, he took a job in Crocker National bank in San Francisco, as a bank teller. During this time, his dyslexia showed up when he could not balance his totals! While he was on the verge of being fired, he wrote a letter to his VP regarding ways of improving the institution. VP found his letter hilarious, and instead got him enrolled for management training. This he has described in his works stating –

“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage – Management!”

After working there for about 8 years, he joined Pacific bell, when he believed that Hard Work can actually reward a person, and climb the ladder of success! His belief crashed out fast in the cubicle world, when after 2 years of work, which didn’t amount to much, fetched him a “Employee Recognition Award”, wherein he says that his manager created a bogus project, to thank Scott for his contributions.

It was during this time that he started drawing his sketches of Dilbert, and all the characters in here, are inspired from his colleagues. Yeah.. the pointed haired boss too!!! Thus began his double life; he used to start by drawing characters, and strips at 6am, and job from 8am – 5pm.

He was finally downsized in June from Pacific Bell. The truth was, Mr. Adams says, he made a standing offer to his boss that when his costs outweighed his benefits, he would leave.

“People asked me if I'd go soft after I left,'' Mr. Adams says, and laughs. “I just wanted to make a point.''

And he even had focal dystonia (undesirable muscular contraction or twisting), due to which he could no more draw a line. However, he says, during the boring meetings of the corporate world, he'd hold down a pen tip to paper until he felt a shiver, then pick it up quickly and rest his hand before the pain would set in. He did this repeatedly, extending his pen-gripping time bit by bit. Eventually, he said, the problem "just went away."

Also, he lately had spasmodic dysphonia (problem with his vocal chords, vocals functions differently in every speaking context), even on which he can find humor and he says –

“People who have this condition generally can't order a pizza over the telephone but can speak perfectly to their cat. Ironically, the context in which I can speak best is while being interviewed about how I can't speak. So depending on how they edit the piece, I might come off as a fraud with no problem at all.”

Hats off to you, Mr. Adams!!!